Practicing family law can often be a draining, mind-consuming, mishmash of nightmares and emotional traumas.  It can also fill the heart with promise and appreciation of what the human spirit is capable of.  And, at other times, when one doesn’t want to cry over spilt custody disputes and sour relationships, the humor surfaces.  The lightness of being that, when allowed to breed, swirls from one heart to the next.  These ten kinda funny items crossed this desk in this past year of heartbreak and ecstasy:

1)      In Florida, a 92-year-old woman fired bullets at her 53-year-old neighbor’s house and car when he refused her demand for a kiss.  One can’t help but be reminded of H. L. Meneken’s apropos comment that “It takes such a small amount of loving to make a woman happy that any man who won’t do his part is a cad?”

2)      In New York, the founder of a Muslin-oriented TV station was convicted of beheading his wife.  This fit well with the purpose of the couple opening the radio station in the first place, which was to counter negative stereotypes of Muslims.

3)      Dorothy Parker once commented on her divorce:  “I put all my eggs in one bastard.”

4)      In 106 B.C., at the appropriately-named battle of Arousio, there were 80,000 Roman troops and 40,000 camp followers, which included some wives and mostly prostitutes.  Historians have explained that the lack of television left the soldiers with a lot of time on their hands.

5)      Former 007 actor Roger Moore once said he was an only child because his parents achieved perfection the first time.  Funny, my parents had six kids and they could never seem to get the hang of it.

6)      Robert Lelux offered this simple explanation of family life:  “Family is the consolation prize for those who can’t surround themselves with better people.”

7)      In Wisconsin, police were called to handle a dispute between two newlyweds.  The couple had made love four times that day; the wife demanded more, but the husband wanted to call it a day.  They discussed the matter, disagreed about what they discussed, and then fought and yelled about it.  Wife concluded the argument by beaning husband with a nightstand.  The fracas generated three uniquely awkward situations, all of which were guaranteed to inhibit romance:  hostile neighbors, pesky police, and a husband with a headache.  Wife went to jail for the assault, and the bloody husband got stitches at a nearby hospital.

8)      Problems with relationships are not relegated to Californians alone:

  1. A deaf man in South Carolina filed for divorce because his wife was always nagging him in sign language.  No word whether she was mute or not.
  2. A woman in Colorado divorced her husband because he forced her to duck under the dashboard whenever they drove past his girlfriend’s house.
  3. A woman in Georgia divorced her husband because he stayed home too much and was much too affectionate.
  4. An Idaho man filed for divorce, claiming his wife dressed up like a ghost and tried to scare his elderly mother out of the house.
  5. A man in Hawaii wanted to divorce because his wife served soup for breakfast and dinner and packed his lunch with pea sandwiches.
  6. A man in Maine dumped his wife because she wore earplugs whenever his mother visited them.
  7. A Pennsylvania woman got a divorce because her husband insisted on shooting tin cans off her head with a slingshot.

9)      An Oregon man was arrested after his nine-year-old son wrote a paper in class saying his dad shot him in his buttocks with a BB gun because he was standing in front of the television.

And, lastly….

10)  An Ashland, Kentucky, city ordinance stresses the importance of family values:  “No person shall knowingly keep or harbor at his house or her house within the city any woman of ill-repute, lewd character, or a common prostitute other than wife, mother, or sister.”

Happy New Years to one and all!!!

Advertisements